


Oh, Boy, What Flavour?

by Driverpicksthemooseic (Ratkinzluver33)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Chatlog, Crack, M/M, kind of, pesterchum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2013-09-24
Packaged: 2017-12-27 11:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/978552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ratkinzluver33/pseuds/Driverpicksthemooseic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave attempts to woo Karkat, a pie is murdered in cold blood, and Dirk talks about his moves. - [Does this count as crack?]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh, Boy, What Flavour?

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, someone should hit me in the face for writing this. Seriously. I apologise for my entire existence.
> 
> Sorry if there are any formatting issues. This was literally agonisingly painful to format. Agonisingly painful.

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]\--  
TG: kanaya  
GA: What Is It Dave  
TG: whats karkats favorite earth food  
GA: I Heard Him Mention Cherries  
TG: thanks man ill see you later  
GA: Arent You Going To Tell Me What This Is About  
TG: im trying to woo him  
GA: Youre What  
TG: trying to woo him  
GA: I Don’t Want To Know Do I  
TG: yeah not really  
\--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]\--

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]\--  
TG: rose i need your help  
TT: What is it, Dave?  
TG: do you know how to cook shit with cherries like a cherry pie or something  
TT: What do you need a cherry pie for?  
TG: im trying to woo karkat  
TT: You’re what?  
TG: im trying to woo him  
TT: I’m not going to ask. Anyway, there’s a recipe book in my kitchen. I believe you’ll find what you’re looking for in there.  
TG: thanks man i owe you one  
TT: Enjoy the pie, Dave.  
\--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]\-- 

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]\--  
TG: hey egderp how do you put out a kitchen fire  
EB: are you okay??  
TG: im not very good at cooking and i think i may have permanently broken roses kitchen  
EB: dave, why are you using rose’s kitchen?  
TG: im trying to woo karkat  
EB: wait dave i thought you told me you weren’t a homo  
TG: who what where  
TG: oh wait did i  
EB: nevermind. just use the fire extinguisher rose installed.  
TG: why does rose have a fire extinguisher in her kitchen  
EB: roxy likes to cook when she’s drunk  
TG: that explains a lot  
EB: yeah  
TG: oh shit i think i made it worse  
EB: you have fun with that  
\--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]\--

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]\--  
TG: hey bro how did you woo jake  
TT: I used my moves. He couldn’t resist.  
TG: no bro really im freaking out here and i just ruined karkats cherry pie  
TT: Oh, I see. Winkwinknudgenudge.  
TG: that wasnt a euphemism i literally just ruined a pie  
TT: Have you used your natural Strider charm?  
TG: yeah bro ive used my “natural strider charm”  
TG: or whats left of it  
TT: Don’t be such a Debbie Downer. He’s probably head-over-heels for you already. Just go make out with him or something and you’ll see.  
TG: thanks for the advice bro  
\--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]\--

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]\--  
TG: hey karkat i baked you a pie  
CG: NO.  
TG: ok well i tried to bake you a pie but then it burnt down and i ruined roses kitchen  
CG: GREAT FUCKING JOB, MORON.  
TG: thanks man i know  
TG: anyway i figured since the pie resembles a piece of tarmac i should just say this outright  
CG: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON ABOUT, STRIDER?  
TG: roses are red (though actually she’s kind of purple)  
CG: NO. STOP RIGHT THERE.  
TG: violets are blue (aren’t they also kind of purple)  
TG: you’re really hot  
TG: we should bang  
CG: VERY FUNNY. I’M LAUGHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW. HA. HA. FUCKING. HA.  
TG: yay does this mean i win  
CG: YES, STRIDER, THAT WAS THE WORLD’S BEST JOKE. YOU WIN A PRIZE. MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS.  
TG: wow karkles thats pretty kinky  
TG: oh and yeah that wasnt really a joke  
TG: you wanna bang or what  
TG: ill even put up with your newfound kinky foot fetish  
CG: . . .  
TG: . . .?  
CG: dave, are you serious?  
TG: holy shit man what happened to your voice  
CG: I’m not even talking to you.  
TG: karkat thats really weird stop that  
CG: stop what?  
TG: stop being calm and stuff  
CG: YOU REALLY ARE UNBEARABLE.  
CG: YOU HAPPY NOW, ASSWIPE?  
TG: oh thank god i thought i broke you for a moment there  
CG: WOW, STRIDER. WOW.  
TG: so does this mean we can bang  
CG: OH, FUCK YOU.  
TG: yeah thats the point  
CG: ...  
CG: FINE.  
TG: yes!!!!  
TG: ily man  
CG: I LOVE YOU, TOO, STRIDER, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.  
\--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]\--


End file.
